You Are Not A Bad Player
Just because you had a bad performance does not make you a bad player – and just because you had a tough match doesn’t mean you have forgotten all of the good performances, training sessions, decisions, skills and experiences (It was a bad performance on the day). As a coach I always try to remind players that they are human. Humans will make mistakes - they ‘ll miscalculate, make the wrong pass, miss chances and have days where everything goes wrong… you’re allowed to make mistakes! It’s important to be honest with yourself. However, saying ‘I had a bad performance’ is very different to saying ‘I’m a bad player’. The former reminds you of a situation that you can learn from, however the latter makes you feel like that is part of who you are. Once you start thinking of yourself in this way it can make regaining your confidence a lot harder.
Why Adults Can Ruminant Over A Bad Performance
Football can be a pressured sport when you are an adult.
By that, I mean that you’ll likely often have other commitments such as work, family, relationships etc. to fit around – and if you’re only training and playing once a week then you may feel like that one tough performance represents your whole week of football (which in turn can cause you to ruminate over it for several days). Comparing yourself to someone who is faster, stronger or more confident can also cause self doubt.
You start to feel like you don’t fit in with your teammate - convince yourself that everyone else is doing better, improving faster and contributing more than you. However, you are only seeing a small aspect of their experience… Other peoples comments can cause pressure – and whether it’s your coach commenting on a decision, your teammate being frustrated or someone shouting from the sidelines - even if it is only for a few seconds it can cause you to ruminate over it (especially when you are already feeling disappointed with yourself). I’ve seen many different emotions come out from adult players when they have a dip in confidence. Anger, sadness, being quiet, frustration and even tears.
Some players will be very open with how they are feeling whilst others will act like they don’t care but will ruminate over it privately for several days.
There is no right emotion to feel when you have a bad performance – but I want to clearly state that feeling disappointed doesn’t make you weak… It usually means you cared about your performance - however we want to stop this emotion affecting how you view your performance.
Stop Rumination
Often when I chat to players about having a tough performance they will say things like ‘I should have passed’, ‘I should have scored’, ‘I can’t believe I lost the ball there’ or ‘I should have tracked the runner’.
Now, it’s important to have some reflection… Knowing that you made a technical or tactical mistake can help you make a better decision next time. However, if you start to punish yourself then this can cause issues. Instead of focussing on something specific to learn from you start to ruminate over it and feel like you aren’t good enough. ‘I should have made that pass’ becomes ‘I always mess up important moments’, ‘I lost possession’ becomes ‘I can’t do anything right’. (you see how the language becomes – very quickly and easily - generalised and harsh)? A good reflection should leave you with somewhere to go. You should understand why it happened, what you could control and what you could try to do differently next time. If you keep coming to the same conclusion that you were terrible, embarrassing and letting everyone down then you are likely not reflecting, you are ruminating (trust me, as a coach with anxiety and OCD – I know all too well what it’s like). Try to change your generalised statements into something specific. For example, instead of saying ‘I always mess up when under pressure’ you may realise that you didn’t check your shoulder before receiving the ball or tried to force a pass when there was a simpler option… One statement will damage your confidence whilst the other will give you something to work on.
Focus On Useful Feedback
Football can often be an emotional sport - especially if the match was close, important or didn’t go well. Comments from coaches, players and spectators may be influenced by their feelings. However, useful feedback will usually be specific. Your coach may tell you that you needed to release the ball sooner, keep the inside safe or communicate better with the player next to you or within your unit. Even if it’s not easy to hear it will give you something to work on... Generalised comments such as ‘you were rubbish today’ won’t help you improve! Comments from your teammates may also be harsh – and remember that just because they’re frustrated doesn’t mean their assessment of you is fair! They may be focussing on one moment or trying to avoid taking responsibility (i.e. potentially shifting their faults and blame onto you). Try to pick out any useful comments, but don’t feel like you have to accept unnecessary harshness. Try to change the tone of your internal comments too. Aim to sound more like a positive coach (to yourself). A good coach will highlight your mistake, tell you what you need to improve and remind you that one mistake doesn’t define your overall ability – so try to do this yourself internally.
Be Honest With Yourself
Sometimes you genuinely may not play that well! There may be lots of things you need to improve on… However, this doesn’t mean your whole performance was a waste! Maybe you still asked for the ball, made an important recovery run, supported your teammate or still worked hard. Maybe you made one good pass, won a useful challenge or made a sensible decision under pressure… These things don’t undo your mistakes but they also don’t undo these moments. As a coach I always try to focus on the positives. Players need to have a balanced view of what happened – so if you’re only focussing on your worst moment then you are distorting your reflection and you’ll start to feel like you didn’t do anything well. This will affect your next training session(s) or match - you may become risk averse, hide from the ball or feel like every new mistake confirms your previous performance. By recognising the positives of your performance, you have something to build from. You are a capable player and whilst you had a tough performance you still showed some useful behaviours. Confidence will usually bounce back quicker when you can be honest about what went wrong.
How To Regain Your Confidence After A Poor Performance
Trying to force yourself to feel positive or pretend you didn’t care about the match won’t help - confidence rarely comes back by just being told to keep your head up! Instead try to minimise the situation… Start with trying to identify why the performance felt so tough. Was it a technical issue? Were you tired? Did you feel anxious? Did you make poor decisions? or was there one mistake that affected everything? Once you understand why it happened try to pick one useful thing to take from it. Don’t create a lengthy list of everything you think went wrong - maybe you’ll decide to scan earlier before receiving the ball, communicate better or keep things simple in your first few involvements when you’re feeling nervous. This will give your brain somewhere positive to go… usually trying to fix everything will cause more pressure!
Having a chat can also help. Sometimes adults feel like they should deal with confidence issues on their own, but having a quick chat to a trusted coach or teammate can prevent you from creating a distorted view of your performance. They may have noticed some positives you completely missed or help you understand that your mistake wasn’t seen as dramatic by everyone else! Try not to punish yourself too... just because you had a bad match doesn’t mean you need to push yourself to exhaustion with extra training, hide from your teammates or prove yourself with one standout performance. You don’t need to pay back the team for being human. Focus on learning from what you can, accepting what has happened and work on what you can still influence.
Build Confidence By Taking Action
Don’t pretend it didn’t happen – but don’t let it hold you back. Please don’t let one bad match turn into a confidence issue… Acknowledge your mistakes, feel disappointed but don’t let it affect how you perform in your next sessions/matches. Your aim isn’t to become someone who doesn’t feel self-doubt - the aim is to recognise when you feel self-doubt but not automatically believe it. You may still think about the missed chance or wish you had made a different pass but this doesn’t need to affect how confident you feel in your next opportunity… This is something I really try to help players overcome. Sometimes a footballer will feel like they need to rebuild their whole game… however, often it’s just that they have lost faith in an ability that they already have. Having an external positive view can help you realise if it was a genuine technical issue or if it was just caused by anxiety, frustration and criticism.
I work with male and female adult players to help them improve their confidence along with their technical and physical aspects of football through positive one-to-one football coaching. I’ve also created a completely free eBook called The Football Fuel Guide: Nutrition, Mindset & Performance. This contains practical tips on preparing, mindset, recovery and performing more consistently.
If you want to look further into confidence I have a another eBook called Coping with Confidence and Self-Doubt for Footballers. This covers topics such as imposter syndrome, inner critic, anxiety, negative self talk, mental resets and rebuilding confidence after tough football experiences.
A bad performance is something you experienced… remember (please) that you’re allowed to make mistakes - feel disappointed but most importantly, move past it.